Mouser Tails

Island Shore Leave Part Four

2006-07-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

Mouser Tails

Cap'n Pine Cone took a deep breath. He took in the sea air and then
the odor of delicious food.
"That smells wonderful Persia." he said, "What are you making?"

Persia stopped stirring the immense kettle. She took out the spoon and
gingerly took a taste. "It's a surprise, Sir." She wrapped her tail
around a spice jar and added a little to the kettle and then continued
stirring. "You'll just love it.'

"I plan to. Do you need anything?"

"Actually if you could send someone to get a lot more coconuts, we
could have the milk with dinner."

"I'll see what I can do." said Cap'n Pine Cone, and left Persia to her
cooking. He spied Lacey crouched among the ferns about to pounce on
Mistletoe. "Lacey?" He called. Mistletoe and Lacey both perked up,
and Mistletoe ran off with a little laugh. Lacey grimaced but then
turned her attention to Cap'n Pine Cone. "Yes, Cap'n?" she asked.

"Persia would like enough coconuts for everyone tonight. Think you
could grab a few kits and get some?" Lacey smiled.

"Of course, Cap'n." she said. "It'll be a pleasure."

"Good. Just remember to make sure that everyone is clear so they don't
get hit by falling coconuts."

"Yes, sir."

Cap'n Pine Cone returned to the heart of the camp, where he met Sgt.
Huey. Huey was intently watching Captain, Stanley and Dante who were
conversing beneath a tree.

"Problems, Sgt?" Cap'n Pine Cone asked. "No, sir, just keeping an eye
on those kits. I wouldn't be surprised if they were planning some
mischief." said Huey.

"At ease, Sgt. Let the kits have a little fun. I'm sure whatever
happens, we can handle it." Suddenly Pine Cone's ears perked. He
heard the sound of a high pitched wail, but he couldn't place it.

"Sgt, do you hear that?" he asked. "Yes, sir, I do." replied Huey.
They both rotated their ears in an attempt to locate the sound, which
was growing louder. In fact the other cats in the camp also stopped,
and listened.

Suddenly a colored streak flew into camp. It was wailing loudly, and
for a moment no one could clearly see what it was. It ran in a full
circle around the camp and then buried itself into the sand. Cap'n
Pine Cone and Huey slowly approached it when it burst out of the sand.
Cap'n Pine jumped back and this time he could see what it was.

It was Qui Gon Kit. All his fur was poofed out and his eyes were like
saucers. And on the tip of his tail was clamped a small sand crab.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Qui Gon, who kept
running at top speed.

"Grab him!!" shouted Pine Cone. Mischief made a flying leap but at the
last moment Qui Gon swerved and Mischief landed face first in the sand.
Sammy and HRFL Tiger also pounced but Qui Gon evaded both of them.
Finally Huey lept onto a box and jumped off as Qui Gon sped by.

WHOMP!!!! Huey landed on top of Qui Gon and sand sprayed everywhere.
"HOLD HIM DOWN!!!" cried Pine Cone. Within seconds, Mischief and HRFL
Tiger were on top of Qui Gon, who was still screaming and struggling.

"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!" yelled Qui Gon. His eyes were full of
tears.

"Stop struggling so we can take a look!!" shouted Tiger. Qui Gon
finally stopped struggling and buried his face into Mischief's fur,
sobbing.

Cap'n Pine Cone pinned down Qui Gon's tail with one paw and held down
the crab with the other. "Someone get Tanada!" After a moment Tanada
trotted up with a medical bag..

"The crab looks like he's clamped on pretty tight." she said. "I
don't think we can get him to let go."

"Then there's only one way." said Cap'n Pine Cone. Tanada nodded.
She picked up a long stick and suddenly thrust it down, impaling the
crab. "Qui Gon, brace yourself."

Qui Gon tearfully lifted his head. "Just g...g...get it off." he
said.

"Tanada, hold his tail. I'd better do it." Pine Cone grabbed the
stick. He saw Qui Gon tense. "Hey, Lily Whiskers, come over here."

Qui Gon perked up. "Lily? Where.........YEEEEOOOOWW!!!!!!!!" Using
the momentary distraction, Cap'n Pine Cone yanked hard on the stick and
the crab was pulled off Qui Gon's poor tail.

"Nasty little bugger." said Huey, watching the crab twitch on the
stick. In one of its claws was a small tuft of fur.. Tanada quickly
bandaged Qui Gon's and they let him up. His eyes were full of tears
and he looked mournfully at his bandaged tail.

"Will it be okay?" he asked in a small voice.

"Give it a few days and you'll be right as rain." said Tanada, patting
it gently. Lily then walked up and began washing Qui Gon's tear
streaked face.

"Oh, my poor Qui Gon." She said. "You were so brave."

"Well......of course I was." said Qui Gon, sitting up a little
straighter. "I wasn't about to let a little crab get the better of me.
I had him from the start." "Of course you did, sweetie." said Lily,
as she kept licking his face.

Cap'n Pine Cone and Huey looked at each other, smiled, and left the two
kits to each other. Pine Cone carried the crab on a stick up to
Persia.

"Persia?" he said, setting down the stick. "Got something a little
special for you."

Persia stopped stirring and came over. "Ahh, Roast Crab." she said.
"Very delicious. Where did you get this?"

"Off of Qui Gon's tail." said Cap'n Pine Cone with a snicker. "Think
you could roast it up special for Qui Gon? I'm sure he would enjoy it
in more ways than one."

"Of course, I'll see what I can do." Said Persia, picking up the
stick. "Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes."

Persia went back to stirring her kettle. She took out the spoon and
tasted it, and then looked behind her at the jars of spice.
"Paprika.......Seasoned Salt......Oregano......where's the Basil?" she
said.

"Allow me?" said a voice. Persia turned and saw a face opposite her.

"Sir Weebly Wobblebottom." she said. "How kind of you. Just two
dashes please." Using his tail, Weebs added the Basil. As he went
to return the jar. "Watching you cook, you don't know what that does
to me."

"Not now, Weebs I need to finish this." Weebs came up beside her and
headbutted her gently. He wrapped his tail around her and rubbed his
face against hers.

"Oh, Weebs." Persia stopped stirring. She turn and looked into his
eyes. Then she closed her and moved forward for a nose kiss.

"Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!" Persia and Weebs both started. They jumped back a
little and turned to see Lacey, Bam Bam, Barney and Tessie surrounded
by coconuts. Lacey was smiling and the kittens were snickering.

"Um, sorry to interrupt." said Lacey. "But did someone order some
coconuts."

"Oh!" said Persia. "Uh, yes. Erm...Just leave them there, I'll get
Waffles to help me."

"No problem." said Lacey, turning away. The kittens were still
snickering, but Lacey hissed at them and ran off.

"I guess I'd better let you finish." said Weebs.

"Well if you want to help. You can start cracking coconuts and pouring
out the milk."

"I would be honored." said Weebs, who turned and headed off to the
pile of coconuts

End Part IV

Island Shore Leave Part Three

2006-07-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

Mouser Tails
Part Three

*****************

"Cap'n, I'm pleased to report that camp is fully set up."

"Excellent, Sgt." said Cap'n Pine Cone. "Shall we ready the scouting parties?"

"Teams are ready, sir" "Good then lets get going."

"EVERYONE FALL IN!!!!" shouted Huey, and cats and kittens scampered to get into formation.

"Uh, Sgt?" said Cap'n Pine Cone "Yes, sir?" asked Huey.

"Next time wait until I'm a few steps away before shouting orders." "Oh!!" started Huey. "Sorry about that, sir."

Cap'n Pine Cone approached his crew. "Okay, folks, now is the what few of you have been axiously waiting for; exploring the island."

"YAY!!!!!! shouted Caliban and Dante. Cap'n Pine Cone turned and put the eye on them, and both kittens suddenly cringed and were silent. Cap'n Pine Cone continued.

"There will be four teams. Team One will go with me, Team Two will go with Sgt. Huey, and Team Three with go with Corporal Sammy and Private Mischief. Team Four, made up of veterans that have already seen the island, will remain here. Now I know that some of you are very anxious to explore the island and see the sights. But everything has its dark side and the jungle can play tricks on you if you're not careful. Make sure you stick to your groups and stick to the buddy system. You will return back here in exactly ONE hour. And above all, have fun. Dismissed."

"FALL IN...." Huey stopped and waited for the Cap'n to walk away. "FALL INTO TEAMS!!!" he cried.

"Team One.....Captain, Miranda, Dante, Bam Bam, HRFL Tiger, Samwise, Otis, Chester, Mistletoe, Lacey, Scout and Vino. Team Two..... Qui Gon, Lily Whiskers, Weebs, Persia, Mimi and Boyfriend...."

"The LOVE team!" said Caliban. "Eewwwwwwwwww!!!" said a few kittens.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" shouted Huey, and kittens became quiet. "Sugar, Pearl, Oscar, Tabitha, and Silver. And Team Three... Claudius, Tessie, Nina, Pan, Mayhem, Imp, Barney, Harri Roadcat, Ranger, Stanley and Caliban. Stick to your groups and do NOT, under any circumstances, get separated. Your team leaders will be in charge and will report to me after we we return. Anyone who misbehaves or gets a poor report will have their shore leave revoked and will have to sleep on the ship. Do I make myself clear?"

"SIR YES SIR!!!!!" shouted everyone.

"Dismissed!" said Huey. He then turned to Mischief and Sammy, "Stick to the areas I showed you on the map and you'll be fine. Keep an extra eye on Stanley and Caliban. Barney and Tessie too, since they're the youngest. Keep everyone together and if there's any trouble get everyone back here no matter what. Understand?"

Sammy and Mischief saluted. "Yes sir!!!" they said.

And so the exploration commenced. The three teams each went in different directions and deep into the jungle. Cap'n Pine Cone's team headed for the high mountain. Sgt. Huey's team headed for the quarry, and Sammy and Mischief's team headed into the trees along the coast. There were lots of things to see. The kittens ooooo'd and ahh'd and they're eyes were wide as they took in everything.

"Look at those TREES!!! They are so TALL!" "I wouldn't want to climb THAT, how would I get down?" "Bet i could climb all the way to the top before you can say Jiminey Kitty." "No you couldn't." "Yes I could, just watch...." "CLAUDIUS, GET OUT OF THAT TREE!!" "Aw c'mon Mischief," "No tree climbing yet. Wait until we get back to camp." "Hmph"

"Ooooo!! Bird!!!!" "Stay in formation, no bird chasing, until we get back to camp." "Awwww..." "BIRD!!!" "I said no bird chasing!" "Ooo!! Ooo!!! I'll get it!!" "Tessie get back here NOW!!" "What? You didn't say anything about butterflies."

"Hey! What is that?" "I think it's called a dragonfly." "Wow! I wonder how it tastes?" "Eww, that's GROSS!"

"Miss Lily? Are you still mad at me?" "No, I guess I'm not mad." "That's Great!" "But i'm still not happy." "Oh...."

"HEY! I'M STUCK!! HELP!!!" "Tiger, can you help Dante get his head out of that hollow log?" "Yes, sir:"

"I GOT THE GREEN SNAKE!!!" "That's a vine, doofus, they're all over the island." "You mean it's not a snake?" "No, vines are harmless." "Hey I can swing on it!!" "I once saw a hoomin swinging through the trees on vines." "That's silly, how can a hoomin hold onto a vine? They have no claws." "Uh... Opposable thumbs?" "Ahhh, right."

"WHOA!!! Look at that mountain!" "It must be a million feet tall!" "Actully it's only 3,500." "Have you climbed it, Cap'n?" "Yes I did, and it's not easy. If there's time maybe we can plan a climbing expedition."

"Wow, what's that over that ridge?" "That's the deserted hoomin colony I told you about, Qui Gon." "Oooooo!! Can we go investigate?" "Sorry Weebs, no one is allowed to go there. Captain's orders." "Awwww..."

"Uh, has anyone seen Mimi and Boyfriend?" "MIMI!! BOYFRIEND!!! Don't wander off like that. Wait until we get back and then you can find a spot to nose kiss all you want." "Hey, Weebs, why don't we...." "That goes for you too, Persia and Weebs." "Darn."

"Hey, what are those round, orange things?" "Oranges, you dummy." "Hey, don't call me a dummy!" "But you are one." "Are not!!" "Are too!!" "ARE NOT!!!" "ARE TOO!!!" "Knock it off back there!"

"Uh where's the litter box?" "There isn't one, Dante." "But I gotta go." "Then go behind the tree." "We're allowed to do that?" "Of course we are." "YOU MEAN WE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEREVER WE WANT?" "Don't shout, and yes we can." "OH BOY!!!!"

"Unka Pan?" "Yes, Nina?" "What that green stuff on the tree?" "Oh, that's called Moss. It's a type of plant that grows on the side of trees." "It looks so soft, I wonder how it feels." "Uh I wouldn't do that because....." "ACK!!! EWW!!!!" "....because they tend to be quick damp with water." "ICK ICK!!"

"Hey Sammy, are there any snakes here?" "Yes, Barney, but some of them can grow so big that to them a kitten is a meal." "*GAASP* REALLY? EEEK!!" "Barney, unpoof yourself and get out of that tree. We're perfectly safe as long as we stay together." "Whew!" "Yeah, and they wouldn't attack you on the ground..." "Caliban, cut it out," "They prefer to hide in trees and snack on kittens that climb them." "AHHHHHH!!" "CALIBAN, STOP LAUGHING! THAT WASN'T NICE!" "HAHAHA.... I know, but wasn't that funny to see him jump out of that tree and walk on air?" "*sigh* Imp, go find Barney, calm him down and bring him back to the group. I think he flew underneath that bush."

"Hey Mayhem, where are the roads?" "There are no roads, Harri." "Weird. I'm so used to traveling on roads in my Pa's truck." "I don't think there's even one truck on the whole island." "Then how do people ship things from place to place?" "Huh?" "Never mind."

"Hey, what are those round things at the top of that tree?" "Those are coconuts, Lacey. They're full of milk." "Wow!! MILK!! I want one!!" "Hey, get out of that tree, you're shaking it and....."
"LOOK OUT!!!!" *THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP* "You idiot, one almost hit me!!" "I'm sorry! I didn't know they would fall." "Lacey, this is why shaking Palm trees is dangerous." "Yes, Cap'n. I'm really sorry." "Apology accepted. Now get down out of that tree and someone pick up my hat. And bring some of those coconuts, we can have them at dinner."

An hour later, all three groups returned to camp. The kittens were chattering back an forth sharing their adventures. Once everyone had returned and Sgt. Huey did a head count, Cap'n Pine Cone released them for their own shore leave.

"Stay within site of the camp and do NOT wander off. Huey, get the kitchen crew started on preparing dinner."

Kittens and cats scampered off in all directions. Scout chased Silver up a nearby tree with Tessie close behind. Miranda and Caliban started romping in the sand. Weebs, Persia, Mimi and Boyfriend went off on their own, probably to CENSORED CENSORED. Qui Gon romped among the plants when suddenly he spied a bush with pink flowers He sniffed and took in the delightful aroma,

"Miss Lily would just love one of these," she said to himself. "Maybe then she'll forgive me." He grasped a stem in his mouth and pulled and trotted back to the beach. He found Lily bapping at a sand crab that was crossing the beach.

"Miss Lily?"

Lily didn't even turn around. "What do YOU want?" she asked. "Um, I brought you a little present." Qui Gon set the flower down on the sand next to her. Lily glanced at it and for a moment Qui Gon thought he saw the edge of a smile in the corner of her mouth. Lily turned away and went back to bapping the crab.

"Um....do you like it?" asked Qui Gon. "Oh it's nice. It's very.....touching..." Qui Gon's head drooped. "You don't like it." "No I didn't say that, I said it was touching." Qui Gon started feeling angry.

"Well then if you don't like it, I'll just take it back." He bent down to pick up the flower.
"No, DON'T....." said Lily, quickly bending down. Their noses touched as they both bent over the flower. They both started a little, and suddenly found themselve looking into each others eyes. Qui Gun stood back up the flower in his mouth, his eyes wide. Lily's heart started racing and she felt a little light headed.

"Oh, Qui Gon....." she said. "I....I'm sorry I was cross with you. I was angry and... Please don't be upset. I still like you very much." Qui Gon gulped.

"An I wike youf fery muss too. Wilt youf sill beh mye binkbink fend?" Lily giggled and Qui Gon realized he still had the flower in his mouth. He quickly spat it out. "I mean, will you still be my *winkwink* friend?" Lily moved in closer and his heart began to speed up.

"Of course I will," said Lily softly. Qui Gon smiled back and let out a long sigh. He leaned in and gave Lily a nice nose kiss.

Lily giggled. "That was very nice, Qui Gon. I've always liked.... Qui Gon? Whats the matter? You look like your in pain..." Qui Gon was gritting his teeth and his eyes were wide.. Suddenly he could hold back no longer.

"YYYEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!" He defied gravity a full three feet into the air and when he came back down, Lily saw it. The sand crab she had been taunting was clamped firmly onto the tip of Qui Gon's tail.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!" screamed Qui Gon and he started running in circles and finally off into the direction of the camp. Lily stifled a grin and laughed to herself and then trotted after him.

End Part Three

I had fun writing these, MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kristi

Island Shore Leave Part Two

2006-07-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

Mouser Tails

Part Two

**************

The Mouser had run ashore the island at high tide. "LOWER THE
GANGPLANK!!!" shout Sgt. Huey. There still was a bit of water
underneath but the gangplank stretched over it onto the dry part of the
beach. "ALL ASHO........!"

Sgt Huey didn't even finish as Captain and Stanley raced past him,
heading for the gangplank. Suddenly Stanley tripped and fell flat on
his face. Captain crashed into him and Huey stifled a laugh as this
rolling ball of wrestling kittens rolled past him.

"See ya on the beach, kits!" yelling Qui Gon Kit, jumping over them.
He ran full speed at the gangplank. He was deterimined to be the FIRST
kitten on the island. He picked up a little more speed when he caught
someone out of the corner of his eye. It was Miss Lily Whiskers, also
running at full speed for the gangplank. OH NO!!!!

In a split second, several thoughts flashed into Qui Gon's mind.
"Shall I let her win? I wanted to be the FIRST kitten on the island!
But Lily is my *winkwink* friend, and if i don't let her win, she might
want to break up with me! But if I'm not the first kitten on the
island, I'll lose respect amongst my fellow hoolikittens! But I LOVE
MISS LILY WHISKERS!!!"

Qui Gon immediately put on the brakes. But he was going so fast that
he was having trouble stopping. As a speeding Lily reached the top of
the gangplank, she turned to see Qui Gon skidding towards her at full
speed.

Everyone on deck winced as the kittens crashed, then ran to the side of
the ship. Qui Gon may have wanted to stop, but he was no match for the
laws of physics. The force of him running into Lily sent her flying
with equal amount of force. Now, had he been running head on, she
would have tumbled down the gangplank. Unfortunately he had hit her at
and angle.

All the cats ran to the side in time to see Miss Lily, limbs flailing,
fly through the air and into the water with a soft "Plop!"

"MAN THE NET!!!!" Shouted Huey. Paws scrambled on the deck as cats
ran to the ropes. Soon a large basket net was lowered into the water,
where a sopping wet Lily climbed into it. Other cats stood by ready
with towels as Lily was hoisted up out of the water and lowered gently
onto the deck.

Cap'n Pine Cone walked up as she was rubbed briskly with the towels.
"Are you alright?" he asked. He flinched a bit as Lily shook herself,
sending water droplets in all directions.

"Yes, sir, I'm okay." said Lily in a small voice. "Just a little
shaken."

"Well at least you don't mind water." said Cap'n Pine Cone. "A good
washing and a nap in the sun will fix you up right. Consider yourself
excused from landing duties." He turned to Sgt. Huey. "Sgt, commence
unloading and begin to set up camp."

"Yes, sir!" said Huey. He turned to the rest of the crew. "You heard
the Cap'n. Get into your teams and begin unloading."

The small crowd dissapated as the cats ran to begin unloading. Lily
shook again and began washing herself. Qui Gon, who had been watching
from afar, now apporached her gingerly.

"Um..... Miss Lily?" He said meekly. "I'm.....I'm sorry for running
into you...."

Lily didn't answer or look at him and continued with her washing.

"It was an accident. I tried to stop, REALLY, I tried, but I couldn't
and......I'm sorry that you fell into the water..... You still do look
pretty even though your fur is all wet....I mean...."

Lily finally looked up at him. "It's ok, Qui Gon, I'm not mad." There
was a gleam in her eye, but Qui Gon, in his attempts to console her,
missed it.

"Really? You're not mad at me?"

"No I'm not." said Lily sweetly. "Now close your eyes. I want to give
you something."

She's not mad at me, though Qui Gon. OH JOY!!! He closed his eyes and
leaned forward expecting a nose kiss. Cap'n Pine Cone turned in time
to see Lily stand up on her hind legs.

With amazing speed and force, Lily boxed both of Qui Gon's ears twice,
and finished with a right hook that send him flying backwards. Qui Gon
landed on the deck with a thump. His head was spinning. "I
thought....I thought you said......you weren't.......mad at me....."

"I'm not MAD, I'M FURIOUS!!!!!!" shouted Lily. "How DARE you push me
into the water?!! I had JUST taken a bath and now you've RUINED my
beautiful fur!!"

Qui Gon shook his head to clear it. "It was an accident, Lily, I was
trying to stop but I didn't think......"

"Well that's just IT, isn't? You toms don't THINK!"

He bowed his head. "Please don't be mad at me. I said I was sorry.
Can we still be *winkwink* friends? I'll make it up to you." He
rolled on his back and looked up at her with the most sorrowful kitty
look he could muster.

"You better make it up, you stupid tom, or we're THROUGH!!!" Lily
turned up her nose and walked away, her tail held high.

Qui Gon was beside himself. He had been trying to let her win, and now
she was mad at him. He was so involved in his depression that he
didn't see the shadow come upon him. Suddenly he noticed who it was
and jumped to his feet and saluted.

"Sir!! I wasn't laying about sir, I was just....."

"Relax, kit," said Cap'n Pine Cone. "I saw the whole thing." Qui
Gon dropped his head again.

"What am I going to do? I really didn't mean to knock her into the
water. Now she's mad at me. What if she doesn't want to be my
*winkwink* friend anymore? What'll I do?"

"Now, now, calm down, don't get your fur all ruffled." said Cap'n Pine
Cone. "Queens can be a little tempermental sometimes. She'll cool
down in a bit and all will be forgiven."

"Really?" Qui Gon sniffed.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine. In the meantime though, I'd work on a
suitable present for her."

"But what do girls want?"

"Oh the usual, toys, a nip flower bouquet, maybe even a chocolate
covered mousie. You'll figure something out, ok?"

"Yes sir."

"Good, now go join your team and help with the unloading." Qui Gon
saluted and trotted off.

Island Shore Leave

2006-05-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

"LAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDD HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Bellowed Imp from the crow's nest. Cats and kittens scattered to the side to peer into the distance.

"I see it!! I see it!!" said Qui Gun Kit "I see the island!"

"YAY!!!!" All the kittens started cheering and running around and dancing.

"CAP'N ON DECK!!!" bellowed Sergeant Huey, and all cats and kittens snapped to attention. Cap'n Pine Cone strolled out onto the deck.

"In a few hours, we will be arriving at the island." he announced. "I know how anxious you all are to get ashore for some much needed shore leave, but there still is work to be done. Once we arrive we need to set up a perimiter, unload supplies and set up camp. Only, and ONLY when all the work has been completed, will we release you in groups for shore leave. Understand?"

"YES SIR!!!!"

"Okay you kits!" said Huey. "Listen up! Caliban, Miranda and Samwise; you help Mischief shake out and repair the tents. Captain, Lily and Claudius you go report below deck to help Mimi and Boyfriend sort out the food stores for the island. Dante and Stanley, you help Smokey with the rigging."

"What about me?" piped up Qui Gun Kit. "You and I will go below to check the map gear. The island might have changed since we last arrived and we might need to make a new map of the area" said Huey "Everyone, DISMISSED!!!"

As cats dashed to and fro to complete their duties, Imp watched at the island grew larger on the horizon.

Mischief led the kits as the tents were unpacked from bags and the dust shaken out. They started sewing up the holes, when Caliban suddenly jumped and pounced and began clawing at the tent.

"Caliban, WHAT are you doing?" asked Mischief. "There was a GREEBLING under the tent. I swear it was there! I almost had it too."

Mischief sighed, "Well your little greebling hunt tore two more holes in the tent. Why don't you get started repairing them?"

Caliban gulped sheepishly and sat down to start sewing. Miranda who was next to him, smacked him on the ear. "Nice going, dummy" she whispered angrily.

Mimi and Boyfriend sorted out a number of food stores for the island and the kittens brought the boxes up on deck.

Dante stopped coiling the rope he was holding. "Whoa....." he poked Stanley. "Look!" he said.

Stanley turned to see Captain and Lily shoving a large box of something. "Oh my......" he said, and both he and Dante dropped the ropes they were holding to run over to the box to read the scrawled letters painted on the side.

"T-U-N-A," read Dante. "TUNA??"

Captain grunted. "Yep, There are four boxes below that are going ashore." he stopped pushing, and lowered his voice. "And from what i hear, it's the GOOD stuff!"

Danta licked his lips and looked over at Stanley, who was grinning. "Um, hey Captain?" said Stanley, "You really sure that there's tuna in there?"

"Of course he is, silly." Said Lily, "Mimi and Boyfriend told us to move this box, and it's painted on the box."

"Well....but maybe it's a misprint...." said Stanley with a smile. "And.....shouldn't we open the box? You know, to just make sure what it is?" Captain grinned at Stanley, and they turned to see Dante with an equally large grin on his face.

"Oh NO you don't!" said Lily, "You're gonna get us in trouble!"

"Aw come on, Lily," said Dante, "Just a little peek?"

"And a little sniff...." said Stanley

"And maybe a little taste....." said Captain.

"A little taste of WHAT?" All four kitten suddenly cringed, and then slowly turned to see Corporal Sammy standing behind them.

"Don't even THINK of opening any of the food stores," said Sammy, "They are for dinner tonight and NO one will do any prior sampling. Now get back to work!"

"But...." stammered Stanley.

"Do you want me to get Sgt. Huey?" asked Sammy. "NO SIR!!" said the kittens. "Then MOVE!!"

The kittens scrambled back to work and Sammy shook her head.

Meanwhile, below deck, Huey and Qui Gun Kit were in a room with a large map stretched out on the floor in front of them. Huey pointed to a spot on the map.

"Right here is where we will dock," he said "And here, nearby, is the grassy spot where we will set up camp. There's a fair amount of trees around so a perimiter shouldn't be too hard to set up."

"What's that dark spot on the other side of the mountain?" asked Qui Gun Kit. "THAT is a spot that is forbidden to all crew members," said Huey "It's a spot supposedly that was at one time occupied by Hoomins."

"Hoomins? What's so bad about that?"

"These were NOT nice hoomins. They kept and raised lots of BIG DOGS, and there are tales that the hoomins ate cats."

Qui Gun Kit gasped "They ATE cats?"

"That's the rumor, but in all likelihood, its just talk to keep curious cats away. There's even talk of treasure being buried there; guarded by giant ghost dogs but it's all a bunch of hooey. However, its very dangerous territory, so Cap'n Pine Cone doesn't want anyone to go there."

"Wow......" said Qui Gun, staring at the dark spot. Huey looked at him for a moment then said sternly, "That means NO ONE is supposed to go there, UNDERSTAND, kit?"

"Sir, YES SIR!"

Cap'n Pine Cone stood by the bow, and watched at the island grew bigger as they neared it. He took a deep breath and reveled in the sea air. He was looking forward to the island. Hunting pheasent, sunbathing on the sand, lounging in the shade on the branch of a tree, drinking fresh water from the stream and enjoying the peace and quiet......

CRASH!!!! "WATCH IT!!!!" Cap'n Pine Cone turned. A box containing small cans of milk had broken open after getting tangled in some ropes. Some of the cans had broken open and spilled onto the tent that had been laid out for repair. The rest of the milk was all over the deck and the kittens were furiously lapping it up.

"What's going on here?" demanded Corporal Sammy.

The kittens all started talking at once.

"Dante purposely strung the rope so we would trip!"
"Did NOT!! You weren't watching where you were going!"
"I was trying to catch a greebling and it ran under the box!"
"It's all Captain's fault, he deliberately dropped the box!"
"I didn't do anything! I was trying to avoid the rope on the ground."
"You've got milk all over the tents, you dummy!"
"Stop calling him names! It was Stanley's fault!"
"Was NOT!"

The arguing continued with paws being pointed at each other and each kitten declaring that they weren't at fault. Mischief and Sammy looked at each other, shook their heads and then turned and looked up at Cap'n Pine Cone. Cap'n Pine Cone let out a sigh and turned back to the island.

Peace and quiet? he thought.

Tales of the Mouser: Qui Gun's Toy Adventure

2006-05-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

It was terrible. Everytime Qui Gun Kit got even close to Cap'n Pine Cone's cabin, someone was there. Either Huey was sitting there cleaning his paw, or Sammy was laying on his back and talking to the fat wench. One time, Cap'n Pine Cone himself was standing there talking to Smokey. Qui Gun felt strange when the Cap'n turned from Smokey and asked if he needed anything. You don't just tell the Cap'n that you want to steal one of his favorite toys. Qui Gun Kit wished that Claudius hadn't chosed this as the Hoolikitten adventure of the week.

He thought it wasn't fair, but consoled himself with knowing that none of the other kittens had been able to steal a toy from the Cap'n either. Still, he really wanted to show Miss Lily Whiskers that he was not only a talented hollikitten but an able one as well. Oh no, Qui Gun suddenly thought. wa What if someone else were talking to Miss Lily Whiskers and charming her off her feet. Unable to stop himself, he ran up to the top deck to find the young girl hoolikitten of his dreams. He really wanted Miss Lily Whiskers to be his wink wink friend.

On the deck, Miss Lily Whiskers was watching the hatch to the lower decks hoping that Qui Gun Kit would make an appearance. Already several young Tims had been around to chat with her. They were cute, but she really wanted to get to know Qui Gun Kit. She hoped that he'd want to become her wink wink friend. She raised her tail high and walked in his direction as he emerged from the hold. His Royal Feline Lordship, Tiger, watched the two of them touch noses with a smile on his face. He knew that the two were sweet on each other, and was waiting to see what would happen with them.

Cap'n Pine Cone looked over at the kits from where he was watching the hoomins taking in the sails. That new crew member, Jason, seemed to be working well. The Cap'n remembered Jason from when the two of them were younger and appreciated Jason's sense of humor. The man had talent. He was almost cat-like in his thinking. Jason was more experienced with boats and was helping mold the crew into a well coordinated team. Things were going well today and Pine Cone could spend some time thinking about his young protege and what he could do to help the young kit in his quest for the fair paw of Miss Lily Whiskers.

After watching the two kits for a while, Pine Cone smiled to himself and walked over to where Demi was resting on the deck. The two of them talked for a couple of minutes, sniffed each other appreciatively, and purred at each other. Pine Cone appreciated the lovely white ladycat and knew that she would effectively organize the other cats to follow the Cap'n's plan.

Later that afternoon, Qui Gun Kit found himself hidden behind a crate full of bags of Nutra Max cat food, watching the door to Cap'n Pine Cone's cabin. People and cats were always in front of the door or Cap'n Pine Cone was in his cabin. Qui Gun thought that he'd never find a chance to get one of the Cap'n's toys. He was about to give up when Cap'n Pine Cone left his cabin, and forgot to lock the door behind him.

Quickly Qui Gun dashed across the deck to the door. It opened at his touch and the kit slipped inside, shut the door behind him, and looked around. On the left of the Cap'n's bed was a bushel basket full of toys. On the right side of the bed was a smaller basket with toys in it as well. Qui Gun Kit knew that one of the basket contained the cap'n's private stash and the other the toys that the cap'n gave to those crew members that pleased him. Qui Gun had worked for the Cap'n in here before, but he was so nervous about comng in to steal a toy that his brains were addled and he couldn't remember which was which.

First he went to the big basket. It smelled really good, like primo catnip, but none of the toys had Cap'n Pine Cone embroidered on them. The smaller basket had Qap'n Pine Cone's name embraoidered on the toys within and some of them had that delicious smell that all good nip toys permeated. Qui Gun breathed in deeply. . .

Out in the hold Cap'n Pine Cone and SSG Huey waited as patiently as a cat could wait. "You know, Cap'n, I really hate giving the kit any advantage over the other kits," Huey said.

"Huey," Cap'n Pine Cone told his young sergeant. "I can tell that you've never had to worry about competition over Sonya's paw. The two kits are interested in becoming wink wink friends, like you and Qui Gun's mother. Let's just five them a chance."

"I know Cap'n. But it just gripes me to let him win."

"We're not letting him win, we're easing the course of true like."

"Well, he better hurry up. We can't keep the coast clear forever."

In the cabin, Qui Gun Kit was rolling around, in ecstacy as he sniffed one of the Cap'n's catnip filled cotton tubes. "Oh Baby," he moaned. "This is SO good." Suddenly he remembered where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He graggec the snake in his mouth and dashed for the door. He was about to paw it open when he heard voices outside.

"Huey, tell Smokey to meet me in the galley to discuss the stores situation," Cap'n Pine Cone's voice said clearly.

"Aye, Cap'n. I'll have him there soonest." Huey's voice shook Qui Gun down to his paws.

"Good. I'm on my way, then."

Qui Gun shivered as he listened for the two to leave the area. As soon as he thought the coast was clear he shot out the door and down to the hidding spot where the Hoolikitten club met. There, he proudly deposited his trophy in front of Claudius and Miss Lily Whiskers. She rubbed up against him and the two of them touched noses and then sniffed each other. Lily and Qui Gun left the room together and marched up to the deck where they waited together for a chance to knock over the bait bucket.

Tales from the Mouser: The Hoolikitten Club (posted for Kristi)

2006-05-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

It was another day on the Mouser. The sun was shining, and the sky was clear and there were many members of the crew napping on deck.

Meanwhile in a corner of the hold, a secret meeting was taking place.

BAMBAMBAM!! "This secret meeting of the Hoolikitten club will come to order!!!" Shouted Qui Gun Kit, banging a small pan. The kittens quieted down and tried to pay attention but still would occasionally be distracted by a swishing tail.

"Thank you, Master-at-Arms." said Claudius, clearing his throat. "Now then, as purresident of the Hoolikitten club, is there any unsolved business? I turn to the club secretary. Miss Lily?"

Lily paused and looked thoughtful. "Currently the rotation of bait bucket tipping has been postponed due the large number of guards added. At last count, no one has been able to catch their tail or any greeblings. I am pleased to report, however, that we have positive reports of the location of Cap'n Pine Cones secret stash of catnip."

"Excellent," said Claudius "Mr. Caliban, treasury report?"

Caliban looked up from cleaning his tail. "Currently in the treasury, we have 5 stuffed mousies, 2 jingle balls, 3 shoelaces and the fat wench's watch. After the rattie hunt last week we had an additional 4 rats, but they somehow disappeared." A few kittens licked their lips and a few other stifled giggles.

"Good, any other unsolved busi.......GREEBLING!!!!" All kittens suddenly jumped to attention and started running about. They took turns pouncing here and here and running all over the place trying to catch something. Finally they all stopped and started washing.

"Anyone catch a greebling?" Claudius sighed. "Don't worry, kits, we'll catch one yet. Now then, any new business?"

Qui Gun Kit raised his paw, "I just want to remind all kitties that the soap water in the sink does NOT taste good." He stuck out his tongue. "And unless you want to burp a bubble or be the laughing stock of the crew, you'll stay away from it."

"A good suggestion," said Claudius, "Anything else?"

Nina raised a tiny paw, "Has the night raid been planned yet?"

"Not as of yet. As you might remember, Captain and Stanley's attempt at a night raid last year resulted in them falling through a trick box." All eyes turned to Captain and Stanley sitting on a high box, who both suddenly became very interested in cleaning their tails. "But this year we plan on doing extra reconnaisance so we can be the first hoolikittens to have a successful night raid."

"YAY!!!!!" cheered the kittens.

"Anything to report from snooping? Remember, it's a hoolikitten's job to poke his nose into EVERYONE'S business. Anything to report?"

Dante raised his paw. "Oh! Oh! I saw the Big Dood, that's Stinky, and he was trying to trick the D-thing into falling overboard. He didn't succeed cause he said i got in the way."

"Very good. Anyeone else?"

"I was following Mimi, " said Samwise, "And i spied on her as she and Boyfriend had 'secret' meeting. They were giving each other NOSE KISSES!"

"EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" said some of the younger kittens

Claudius chuckled, "Well, maybe later on we can pull a Hoolikitten trick on them. I myself have something to report. While Cap'n Pine Cone was inspecting the deck, he lifted up his tail at just the right moment and i was able to SNIFF him."

"Oooooooooooooo...." everyone gaped in amazement then started asking questions. "You actually SNIFFED him?" "Was he clean?" "Did he catch you?"

"Now, now..." said Claudius and the room calmed down. "Cap'n Pine Cone not only DIDN'T catch me, but he smelled very VERY clean." The kittens oooooo'd and ahhhhhh'd.

"Now then kits, this week's secret mission is a tough one and will require all your kitty smarts." Every kitten perked up their ears. "Your mission, is to steal a toy from Cap'n Pine Cone's CABIN."

"Whoaaaaaa............." said the kitttens. "That's right, from his CABIN." said Claudius.

"Um, just how are we supposed to get IN the cabin?" asked Ranger.

"That's why we're hoolikittens, we can get into in most places, ESPECIALLY where we are NOT supposed to be. Whichever kitten manages to do this task, will get first dibs the next time we tip over the bait bucket, AND be included in this year's night raid."

"YAY!!!!!" Shouted the kittens.

"Now then, kits, if there's no more pressing business...." No one said anything. "Then let us end with the club song, O to be a Hoolikitten"

The kittens started prancing about and began to sing:

O to be a Hoolikitten, the greatest of them all;
'cause Hoolikittens are the best, because we are so small;
we'll run amuck and jump about and do our best to cause a fuss;
if you want some mischief done, a hoolikitten you can trust!
We vow to be true hoolikittens, wherever there's trouble to start;
and no matter how old we are, we'll still be hoolikittens at heart!

"And with that, my dear kits" said Claudius, "This meeting of the Hoolikitten club is dis........GREEBLING!!!!"

All the kittens jumped around looking for the elusive greebling. As the pouncing and laughter continued, no one seemed to notice the knothole in the corner of the wall. A knothole which led to the other room, where Sergeant Huey and Corporal Sammy were meatloafing AND listening.

"So they've created a hoolikitten club." said Huey, chuckling.

"Man, why didn't I think of that when i was a cabin kit?" said Sammy. "I could have had so much FUN."

"Oh i would have been on you in a heartbeat, silly. Well, so far they haven't made any official plans on the night raid, but they DO plan to continue to try to tip over the bait bucket. And now they have this secret mission to steal a toy from Cap'n Pine Cones cabin."

"Well first they have to get INTO the cabin, sir." said Sammy. "That will prove interesting."

"Keep your eyes open and your ears perked, Corporal." said Huey who stood up and stretched. "I doubt the Cap'n will enjoy his toys being stolen. And when in doubt, think about what you would have done as a cabin kit. Dismissed."

"Yes, sir" said Sammy, who saluted and left. When she was out of earshot of Sergeant Huey, she began to sing softly to herself,

"O to be a Hoolikitten......."

*******************

Hehehehehehehe, hope you liked it. I'm trying to post it on the blog
but right now it's not letting me.

Have fun, and i'll write more later :P

Kristi

HRFL Tiger Replies to Qui Gun Kit

2006-05-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

Of *course* I'm laughing at you Qui Gun Kit. And I'm lauging even
harder at Lily because she copied you and although she isn't burping
bubbles, she did get very wet!

I have to confess that I am very much enjoying this adventure so far.
As a senior diplo-statescat that is. I have a wondeful cabin with great
sea views and wooden panelling, and although I have to share it with my
human that's fine as it means I finally get some quality time with her
because Lily has to stay with the younger cats below decks.

My beloved Princess Pandora was unable to join us because she damaged
her knee a few weeks ago and the TED said that she had to rest it. Our
human vetoed her coming on the trip so she could get better. We have
been joined by a friend of Lily's, Basil, who we didn't expect. He
lives 3 doors down from us in Cardiff but he's always around our house
for lunch. He's a fluffy big tabby and white maine coon who has always
wanted adventure and figures that he's a good influence. He is in fact
a complete niphead who spends as much of the day as he can stoned out
of his brain, rolling around in the garden, but he's harmless enough
and he loves kittens. Cap'n Pine Cone agreed to have him aboard so that
he could keep an eye on them, but all he's doing is getting them into
more trouble.

Cleo is a bit overwhelmed by things I think. I don't think she's
enjoying it as much as she thought. The albatross we saw yesterday said
some rude things about her weight and called her a landlubber, and
she's very sensitive about these things. She's got permission from the
Cap'n to just take it easy and find her sea legs. So we've agreed that
she stays in the cabin and sunbathes in the window for now.

For some reason Qui Gun Kit keeps calling Lily, Lucy and confusing her
with Lucy who he has a serious crush on. He's also baffled by Lily's
thick Welsh accent - I don't think he understands a word because she
meows so quickly! Still, the gang of kittens seem to get on very well.
Rufous keeps breaking out in Spanish because that's what his paw speaks
sometimes and he's picked up all sorts of words. I'm not so sure
they're what the kittens need to learn so I might have a word with his
paw.

What he doesn't realise is that I know exactly what he's saying because
I've actually been to Mexico and that's why I'm the diplocat, because I
meow 5 languages - Cat, Dog, English, Spanish and German! I also speak
some parrot, but I find the sqwaks difficult - it's like chinese with
about 200 dialects and I'm quite tone deaf.

Right, well I have to go smack Lily upside the head. I can see her up
in the crows nest showing off to the American kitties about how brave
Welsh kitties are. The little minx has been telling everyone she's from
Scotland - I have no idea why as the only cats who have been to
Edinburgh in this family are me and Pandora and we couldn't understand
a bloody word anyone there said. Nice country though. She's be
screaming that she's stuck in a minute and I can't afford to have us
Brits look stupid. There's quite a few os us on board and the
intercational relations are going very well. I don't need Lily to spoil
it.

His Royal Feline Lordship Tiger.

Ssshhh, don't tell the Cap'n

2006-04-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

Qui Gun Kit here. Don't tell Cap'n Pine Cone or my mom, Sonya. I sneaked in here and am using the Cap'n's computer to write this. The fat wench doesn't know I can type, and the Cap'n is kinda mad at me. It's like this...

A couple of days ago, Rufous tipped over the bait bucket and I helped hide the evidence. Well, I helped eat the evidence. The hoomins were going to fish for us and couldn't find any bait and ended up having to improvise. I don't know why the Cap'n was so mad. I wasn't the only one eating the bait. The Cap'n yelled at me and Momma Sonya boxed my ears. Grandmeow loved on me, but she was laughing too. So I had to do something to prove that I meant to yowl. So I killed a snake sock. How was I to know it was the Cap'n's private reserve.

So there I was playing with this really neat snake toy and getting all kinds of great catnip smells off of it, and Smokey comes up and slaps me around., telling me that I had the Cap'n's private toy. So I washed myself off and got a drink. Pufht, the water tasted terrible. It was full of soap and the hoomins were doing dishes in it. Then I burped and blew a bubble.

Worse, the soap water made me gassy and have to go to the llitterbox a lot. The other kittens are laughing at me because my butt snake lbit me and I blew a bubble and Mama Sonya cleaned me and the fat wench laughed again. I'm going to hide out in the hammock locker after I write this. Those hoomins are all laughing at me.

The worst one is the new hoomin that joined us. PaMike says that he is my homorary huncle, Jason. This Jason dude is really strange. He hange out with Merlin and plays with Speedy the d-thing. He drinks blue water, which Mama Sonya told me was bad for anyone to drink., and he has everyone in a fuss. He messes with me too. I wish he wouldn't laugh at me and would just play with me instead.

Ms Helen is kind though. She has joined us and is really nice. Her owners speak iwth a different meow, which the fat wench says is Scottish. I like them, especially Lucy. HRFL Tiger is very regal and rules them all. He's almost as important as Cap'n Pine Cone. He even nodded at me yesterday. But he's laughing at me now, I just know it. I didn't mean to blow a bubble. I didn't.

Qui Gun Kit

At Sea

2006-04-23T13:33:00.000-07:00

I've finally got the fat wench to post for me. We've been on the Atlantic Ocean for almost a month and have taken our time to get to England. The first month or so of any sailing ship cruise is a shake down of new crewmembers and equipment. We had a new spinnaker installed while we were in North Carolina and the sails have been personalized with a stylized cat face on them. The sails themselves are a creamy tan, with the design embroidered on them in black. I think they are very handsome myself. The fat wench did a good job getting them done.

She also got a lot of old sockies and has been making catnip thockies in her spare time. This means that every cat gets a chance of getting one, now that I've got one in my cabin. The kits don't care that much about them, but oh my, the hollikitten seem to like them a lot. Qui Gun Kit batted one over the side and almost jumped in after it. The fat wench had to make him a new one. We need to get more old socks and catnip in Burope so that she can ad more nip to the ones she's made and make more of them.

Our days have slid into a sort of routine. We nap in the sun during the day and sing to the stars at nigh. the fat wench and PawRob had insulation put around the hoomin cabins for some reason. She says that it was for sanity sake, but she isn't that sane to begin with. PawRob says that it is so that we can't hear them watching videos. But we like to watch videos with the hoomins.

One sad note this year. The hoomins have brought the d-thing with us. Speedy, the d-thing. thinks that he is a cat, that's how stupid he is. He tried to climb the mast the first day at sea and had to be fished out of the bay. The fat wench doubled her collection of old towels so that she can dry us off when we need it. She said that good will much thing that she wraps them around her waist and farts. I don't understand what was so funny about that, but the rest of the hoomins laughed. We have been taking turns entertaining the d-thing. Unfortunately he hasn't fallen in since the first day. We tried hard enough. He thinks it is funny. Stupid mutt.

After we get the rest of the crew from Burope, we will be sailing back to the Caribbean and then through the Panamanian Cannal. This should be fun. I wanted to run Cape horn, but the fat wench said that she really doesn't do well in extreme cold, so we're going to visit other places instead. I still wonder how penguins would taste. The hoomins won't let us have whales, sea lions or dolphins. You'd think they'd let us have penguins. PawRob says that starlings are fair game and that we can have all the gulls we want. I've seen what they eat, and have told the crew to leave them alone. Those are some nasty birds.

We are lucky to have plenty of hoomins willig to fish for us and the fat wench has stocked plenty of meats and cat food for those who don't like the real meal. SSG Huey and Smokey have organized bait bucket guards this year, so we have only had three bucket tip overs. All of those involved were punished and removed from guard duty. The blonde wench has talked Gem and Mike to help her with cat boxes this year, so we always have clean boxes. We won't discuss what they do with the stuff from the boxes. This is a kitten friendly group after all.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Getting Ready to set sail on the 2006 Voyage

2006-03-20T16:52:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again. We're here at the dock, all the pre-sailing work is done, supplies have been ordered to show up for next week and we're taking special orders for any extras. I've asked the fat wench to make a bunch of thockies for us with lots of lovely catnip in them. She says that she's worried that we'll get too stoned and roll off the deck into the ocean. As if.

We have several hoolikittens joining us this year, including Caliban from Finland, Dante from the USA and our very own Qui Gun Kit, whom the fat wench calls Stoner, because he lREALLY likes the 'nip. I suspect that more hoolikittens will be joining us, but will have to wait to see what happens. I planned on having SSG Huey keep them in line, but I think he'll need hekp this year as they seem to be exceptionally rambunctious this year.

We have the usual travelers, and Helen M as an additional traveler. This should be fun! I hope she is willing to do scritching duty as well as take her turn on feeding and litter box duty.

We plan to sail through the Panama Canal and into the South Seas. We will be doing out usual trip backwards this year, so that we have more time to comfort my beautiful little girlfriend, Chloe, who lost one of her Brofurs this spring. We also hope to visit Smoggleberry and IBK Fergus who is a wild child herself, and owns her very own barekitten. There also a lot of Burmese cats in New Zealand who have a lot to teach us and we must make our usual pilgramage to Thailand to hiss at the temple cats. We kick kitty and d-thing butt. We also plan to visit Caliban and Miranda's Island to pay our respects to the Memory of Frank and Nicki to whom the island is dedicated.

Please let us know what special needs or wants you have,

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

And a Meowy Kissimouse to you all

2005-12-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

I finally got the fat wench to sit down and transcribe for me. Until now she's been busy with something called skool. She says that if she does well, she can afford more treats and toys for us all. I don't care, I just want to tell about our voyages.

We decided to spend Kissimouse in Australia this year. My beloved Miss chloe has joined us and we have planned an excellent party for us all. The gift exchange this year should be fun, as there are a large number of kits on board to enjoy all the goodies we bring them. Kissimouse is mainly for the kits, and we're all kits at Kissimouse time.

The fat wench says that she doesn't know what to make for our dinner, but I think a nice rat casserole would be splendid. She says "YUK" whenever I bring it up. Some fat wench she is. The blonde wench doesn't do cooking. She says that she doesn't have those recipes whenever I ask her to make something for us to eat. She's so busy playing wink wink with Gem that she doesn't have time for us like she used to.

Anyway, the fat wench says that we'll all be pleased with our snackies. She already made us some catnip sockies for Yowl. That was fun. All sorts of cats and kits rolling around sniffing the good stuff and getting high. I thought Smokey was going to roll off the deck and into the water, he was enjoying himself so much. It is good to see the crew laughing and joyful again after we lost one of our senior statescats, Frank.

Frank was an excellent fellow. He was quite the ladycat's gentlecat. Waffles was his wink wink buddy and is still mourning his loss. We howl with her. Frank is missed by us all and we all purr for his mistress, Marina, and his partners Miranda and Caliban. We have lost some great friends this year, and Frank was one of the best of them.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.
Off the coast of Australia near Melbourne

Catching Up

2005-08-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

Off the Coast of Africa

It has been a very busy time for us since I last updated this chronicle. The fat wench is going to be going to school, but will be spending money, not earning it. I don't understand, but what do I know, I'm just the cat.

We had a wild visit to Great Britain. First we spent a week with Boyfriend and Kitty FC. They taught us about catching rats (Hint: catch the smaller ones first, they prepare you for catching the big ones), playing in the fields, curling up together in Boyfriend's old sleeping place, and not to chase the birds as their hoomin has a strange attachment to them. She even has some gigantic ones that squawk, lay eggs and peck at you. There are also ducks and geese, but Kitty FC said we couldn't play with any of the birds, especially those in pens. She took some of the fun out of visiting, but Boyfriend was a really cool host and showed us how to catch rats instead.

After our week with Boyfriend and Kitty FC, we spent time with Waffles. They have a stream going through their back yard and a yard with voles and hedge hogs and other wonderful toys in it. We played with the toys every night as we didn't want Waffles and her friends to get in trouble for having us over for a visit. Frank ghosted over on regularly to be with Waffles. He's sad without Nikki, but seems to be doing all right.

We also spent time in Canterbury visiting friends there, and with cats in Scotland. They are some busy kitties, all of them. While we were there, some stupid hoomins tried to blow up London. Needless to say all of the British cats are now on alert. We decided it was time to visit Frank and Miranda's island, rather than cause potential distraction to all the cats watching out for stupid hoomins.

We got there in plenty of time for the remembrance ceremony. The new members of the crew were instructed in their part of the ritual, and we performed it at the right time. There were so many friends that are no longer part of our crew, and we celebrated each and every one of them. A few were worried that we'd wake up the hoomins, but I knew that we'd be fine. I think Marina almost woke up, but we purred to her and she settled back down. We all feel better and can sense our friends close at hand now.

After we relaxed on the island for a week we decided to visit France and Germany, with a short stopover in the Netherlands. We had a great time, but I'm not too sure that we made the hoomins happy. Do you know that hoomins sell fish and meat out in the open? We discovered this in Germany, then again in the Netherlands, and finally got tossed out of France by those French snobs. As if we wouldn't share our catch with them. Well, PawRob says that we messed up royally, but we did have fun in the process.

So now we're off the coast of Africa, licking our whiskers and swapping stories about our adventures in European meat markets. It was wonderful.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Thar She Blows

2005-06-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

At Sea

The fat wench ghosted away for a few days, so I haven't been able to get her to write for me. She didn't even send a replacement, so I was stuck with Mrike, Gem and The Blonde Wench as staff until she got back today.

Needless to say, PawRob and the fat wench missed some of the excitement. We saw whales!! They were huge and very tasty looking. It was so exciting that cats were climbing the rigging and pushing each other out of the crow's nest. Cats were flying everywhere. It's a good thing that we land on our feet.

However, one of our crew members wasn't as lucky as the rest of us were. Mimi was climbing the rigging to watch the whales when Sammy slipped and landed on top of her. Sammy was able to grasp the lines, but Mimi went into the briney deeps. I thought Boyfriend was going to go in after her. Gem grabbed a fish net and scooped her up out of the water before she could drown. I don't think Mimi was very appreciative as she hisspit at both Gem and Sammy, who climbed down from the rigging to appologize. Mimi has quite a temper when she gets wet.

We watched the whales for over an hour. I think they were playing with us. Then we found a feeding frenzy of our own on deck. Someone had tipped over the bait bucket and a bunch of kits were playing with the bait. Fish hockey may be fun, but is very messy for those who have to do clean up and not a good example for the kits. I made the kits clean up and put Marvin, one of the strays that came on board with us at Roanoke Island, in charge of the bucket. He could stand to gain a few ounces. Poor Cat is fur and bones.

We're getting along well and should be in England in a couple of days. We're looking forward to dry land and the chance to visit our British cousins. Unlike Hoomins, we don't care where the cat comes from, so long as s/he knows who is in charge. After England, we'll be heading to Frank's Island. Some of the crew keep looking at a map that purports to be of burried treasure on the island. I'll believe it when I see it. I think the treasure is the island itself and the felines who own it.

Respectfully,

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Settling In

2005-05-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

At Sea

Well, we've been at sea for almost two weeks. This is not bad. So far the bait bucket has been targeted only three times, the rigging has been climbed numerous times by the kittens, two cat fights have been broken up, two betting rings caught in action, one cat fished out of the ocean, and over twenty impersonations of me by Captain caught on tape. The hoomins are relaxing on the deck when they aren't busy taking care of us. The fat wench isn't sneezing nearly as much as usual. She says that the only thing she's allergic to on the ocean is us cats.

PawRob has been taking good care of himself. He's the hoomin guru for us all. PawRob says that he's owned by all cats, and seems determined to prove it. He let four of us sleep ON him yesterday afternoon. This doesn't count the seven that were on the rest of the bed. The fat wench said that there wasn't enough room for her and took a nap on the sofa instead. She thrashes around so no cats really want to sleep on her anyway. Besides she likes to be cooler than PawRob and doesn't keep the place warm enough.

Gem and the blonde wench are at their usual summer activities. PawRob told them that they weren't to be hanging out in the rigging, behind the deck house, or in the crow's nest ever again. Gem says that there aren't many other places for the two of them to be. The fat wench laughed and said, "Exactly." I don't understand the big deal. It's not like sex is that exciting.

Mike has been busy being paw to our latest addition Qui Gun Kit. Qui is only eight weeks old and a very determined napper. He'll even nap with the fat wench, given a chance. He loves to nap with PawRob and tries to snuggle up against QC. Seeing a less than two pound kitten snuggled up to a twenty-three pound Maine Coon mix is a study in contrasts. The rest of us laugh at him, but we wouldn't dare smack him, QC has taken Qui Gun under his paw, even grooming him upon occasion. This is not a good sign for those of us who'd like to teach the little monster not to play tag with our tails.

The kitten contingent among this year's crew range from eight weeks to a little over a year or so old. They have a lot of talent and potential. We've drafted a bunch into the army as there is the possibility of meeting up with the dastardly d*g pirate, Captain Ruff, or whatever his name is, personally, one d*g is like another, the big difference is that the little ones seem meaner and more dangerous than the big ones.

The rest are being integrated into the crew. For instance, Stanley has been delegated to assist Scotty, our ship's engineer. Captain and Harriroadcat have been delegated to assisting the quartermaster, and Ranger is assisting in the kitchens. The other new members have been assigned to places that seem to work with their talents. Smokey, our Bos'n is very good at figuring out where a kit's abilities lie.

The new seine nets seem to be working well, though the hoomins stick to rods and reels for their fishing endevours. Between the two methods, we seem to be doing pretty good on fish, though the hoomins are talking bar be qued boogers. It sounds nasty to me, but then I'm not hoomin, thank Bast.

Respectfully,

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

The Captain and Crew of the Mouser Mourn

2005-05-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

At Sea

It was with great grief that we learned of the passing to the Rainbow bridge of one of our own last week. Nikki, our Finnish huntress and water hunting technique teacher, is much missed by all of us as seen in the droopiness of our whiskers and clouding of our eyes.

Miss Nikki owner of Marina, and house mate of Frank and Mere, a Russian Blue, was a feisty little black and white tuxedo girl who ruled her flat with an iron paw in a furry glove. She loved to hunt voles and would go into the water after them. Last year she astounded and then taught our crew members to hunt water voles for themselves. She made sure that her human never went without a proper meal, even though Marina didn't always appreciate Nikki's offerings.

Nikki loved to walk on her leash and visit the balcony at her flat. She played, slept, and ate good food, all a fifteen year old ladycat could and did want. When Mere also adopted Marina, Nikki took over Mere's training from her Meowmie, and helped to teach the little girl all she could about proper hoomin care, feeding, and control.

Sadly, Nikki developed the normal diseases of old age and eventually succumbed to one of them. We all miss her and purr for her passage to the Rainbow Bridge and for her grieving hoomin, Marina, as well as for Frank and Mere, who miss their housemate dreadfully.

Saddenned,

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Getting Under Way Aboard The Mouser

2005-05-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

The engine room of the Mouser wasn't on the regular tour since there were so many levers to pull and buttons to push that they became irresistible to the tourists. The Mouser was built of wood when the brief era of sail-powered iron-hulled ships, properly known as 'windjammers' was just getting started.

The Mouser was first fitted out strictly as a sail-powered ship, but she had coal-burning steam boilers and engines fitted in the late 1900's. This made the Mouser independent of the wind and weather,though she usually made her way by sail.

In the 1920's, the new owner, the famous underworld catnip baron, Bootsie Snodgrass used her as a smuggling vessel and had diesel engines installed.

The upkeep on the ancient diesels was handled by (what else) and old Scottish Fold. His name was Whiskers Scott, but everyone knew him as Scotty. Cap'n Pine Cone was always besieged by requests from Scotty to update the engines. Pine Cone always listened patiently to these pleas, but inevitably replied that he knew that Scotty would be able to get the engines running when they were needed.

One of the times that Pine Cone played it safe and used engine power was when the ship was either docking or shoving off. Scotty had assured the Cap'n that once again, the engines would be ready to do their duty when needed.

The tide was full and the breezes fair when Pine Cone's orders came down from the bridge. "Get the engines warmed up Scotty, it's time to get under way. The old tom had his assistants go around the ancient diesels and operate the manual oilers which hadn't been used in building diesels since the 1930's. With the throw of a switch and the push of a button, the old engines grumbled to life. "Bridge, this is the engine room. The engines are ready and we are waiting on your orders, Sir," said Mr. Scott

"Mr. Bos'n", Pine Cone said to Smokey, "stand by to cast off." Smokey, of course, had the deck crew standing by their appointed posts and ready for him to relay the Cap'n's orders.
"All's ready sir", replied Smokey.

"Cast us off then," the Captain said to the huge Russian Blue and Smokey set about having the crew untie the ship from the dock. Pine Cone barked into the ship's communicator, "Let's have astern standard engines, Scotty."

With the throw of a lever, the engines engaged the propellers and the ship began to slowly move. "We'll have right full rudder, if you please, Mr. Helmsman," and with several spins of the wheel, the nose of the ship began to swing out from the dock. As the ship's bow swung away from the dock, Pine Cone waited for the right moment and then called down to the engine room. "Ahead standard engines if you please, Mr. Scott.

Scotty cut the engine power to operate the gearing and shifted the gears so the engines would propel the ship forward. "Ahead standard engines, aye" Scotty called up to the bridge.
"Left full rudder, Mr. Helmsman," said the Captain. The Mouser started to swing further away from the dock and pull out into the channel that would take them clear of the harbor. "Mr. Bos'n, we'll have the sails set if you please."

"Sail crew get aloft and set the mains," barked Smokey. Cats scrambled into the rigging and untied the lines that lashed the sails to the spars. The sound that every sailor knows so well, of wind filling the canvas could be heard above the calls of the gulls and the cheers and goodbyes of the crowd on shore. "Set the gallants," called Smokey and the crew scrambled up one level in the rigging and set the gallant sails. Next were the top-gallants and then the royals. The ship was a majestic sight with all its canvas to the wind.

Pine Cone would keep the engine power up till the ship was safely out of the harbor. He was at heart a sailor who would rather run by wind power alone, but he was aware of his awesome responsibilities and took sensible precautions.

The ship cleared the lighthouse on the port side and the opposing point of land to starboard.

The year's voyage had begun.

The Morning After...

2005-05-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

Roanoke Island

Oh my aching head. We had our bon voyage party last night and the nip flew. Literally . Some niphead threw it up into the air and a bunch of seagulls swooped down and scooped it up. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to have any effect on the gulls. A couple of cats tried to jump up after the gulls to get the nip back but landed in the bay instead. We had to fish them out.

As you can see, most of the party took place on the dock and top deck. I was afraid that someone would eat or drink too much catnip juice and end up rolling down the stairs to the below decks, but fortunately that didn't happen. We do have a lot of groaning wincing felines who can feel and hear their fur growing this morning. I know, I'm one of them.

However, we did have a lot of fun earning those nipovers. The bitty kitty chorus sang and did a little dance, the piano in the galley was played, there were songs and dances, and Frank chanted "The Rime of the Ancient Islander". There were way too many toasts and too many platters of pizza, chicken, barbequed pork and other goodies. By mutual agreement no fish was served, though there was a plate with shrimp and lobster on it. It was very popular, especially with the fat wench who loves the stuff.

Unfortunately, we made enough noise that the Parrotheads at the next slip over called the cops on us. I thought that they were supposed to be mellow. Well they were busy getting wasted in Margarittaville and we were busy getting wasted in nipland. We just didn't agree about how we were supposed to get wasted. The fat wench was unhappy, as she loves Jimmy Buffet music and says that she's a parrothead wannabe. She didn't like have to choose between the cats and the birds. Personally, I think Jimmy Buffet is for the birds, but the fat wench tells me that I'm wrong and to be good for once. She has no class.

Anyway, the cops showed up and tested our catnip for content. Once they were satisfied that we weren't growing pots and that no one was nipping and driving, they let us go with a warning to tone down the party. By that time it was late and the hoomins were falling asleep anyway. So we let them go to bed and even sang them a lullaby. Mike threw a book at us. Turns out that he had an ear ache and had to go see TED. We purred in sympathy, and he is feeling better now.

The cops told us that we'd worned out our welcome, so it is time we set sail. We leave with the tide in the morning. My next post should be from at sea and I'll let you know how our voyage is going. I just hope there aren't any stowaways this year.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

The Rime of the Ancient Islander

2005-05-13T02:20:00.000-07:00

PART I
An ancient Islander meeteth three kittens working on the Mouser, and detaineth one.

It is an ancient Islander,
And he stoppeth one of three.
`By thy black beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me ?

The Mouser's gangway waits for me,
And I am late for chores;
The kits are met, the rigging's set,
May'st hear the Cap'n roars.'

He holds him with his skinny paw,
`There was a map,' quoth he.
`Hold off ! unpaw me, black-beard loon !'
Eftsoons his paw dropt he.

The Kitten-Cat is spell-bound by the eye of the old seafaring cat, and constrained to hear his tail.

He holds him with his glittering eye--
The Kitten-Cat stood still,
And listens like a three years' child :
The Islander hath his will.

The Kitten-Cat sat on a stone :
He cannot choose but hear ;
And thus spake on that ancient cat,
The bright-eyed Islander.

`The map was charred, the paper seared,
Barely could I read
A cross was there, below the hill,
Below the lighthouse top.

The Islander tells how he sent the map to the Mothership for restoration.

A note I sent, up in the sky,
To contact experts there,
They took the map, and on the night,
Sent it back down here.

They'd treated it, removed the burns,
And made it clear to tell- - '
The Kitten-Cat here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud ship's bell.

The Kitten-Cat heareth the ship's bell ; but the Islander continueth his tale.

The Cap'n hath paced onto the bridge,
Red as a beet is he ;
Whiskers bristling, ears a-twitching,
Looking mighty fierce.

The Kitten-Cat he beat his breast,
Yet he cannot choose but hear ;
And thus spake on that ancient cat,
The bright-eyed Islander.

The map is returned to Frank from the Mothership.

`And now the CYBER-CAT came, and he
Was tyrannous and strong :
He struck with his o'ertaking claws,
And chased me south along.

With sloping tail and dipping brow,
As who pursued with yell and blow
Still treads the shadow of his foe,
And forward bends his head,
This cat ran fast, loud roared that cat,
Then southward aye I fled.

And now there came both mist and snow,
And it grew wondrous cold :
And ice, ear-high, came floating by,
As green as emerald.

The visit of the fearful cyber-cat from the Mothership.

And through the drifts the snowy clifts
Did send a dismal sheen :
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken--
The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around :
It cracked and growled, and roared and howled,
Like noises in a swound !

Till a great sea-bird, called the Herring Gull (no Albatrosses on the island), came through the snow-fog, and was received with great joy and hospitality.

At length did cross an Herring Gull,
Thorough the fog it came ;
As if it had been a Feline soul,
I hailed it in Bast's name.

It ate the food it ne'er had eat,
And round and round it flew.
The cyber-cat made one great leap ;
The Herring Gull never knew.

And lo ! the Herring Gull proveth a delicious bird, as the cyber-cat shareth his catch with Frank.

The cyber-cat did melt the ice ;
And set right down to chew,
He winked at me to let me see,
I was invited, too.

PART II

The cyber-cat now paused to groom ;
Then helped me wash my ears,
Then 'pologized for all the ice,
And wiped away my tears.

'This map you sent up in the sky,
Was old and hard to study,
But due to our technology,
It's now all neat and tidy.'

The ancient Islander receives the Map back, but realises he shouldn't have eaten of the beautiful Herring Gull.

And I had done an hellish thing,
And it would work me woe :
For all averred, I had killed the bird
That made the treasure grow.
Ah wretch ! said they, the bird to slay,
That made the treasure grow !

Frank swears he didn't kill the bird, he just ate a little bit of it.

'Nor killed nor maim'd, I swore to them,
The cyber-cat didst kill the bird!
I'm innocent, a passer-by.'
But I could not be heard.
'That's right', said Nikki, 'he ne'er did,
Kill ought larger than a t*rd.'

Nikki saves Frank's reputation, but the treasure can still not be found.

The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free ;
As two island cats set off to sail
Into that silent sea.

The boat is beleaguered by Gulls.

Down dropt the gulls, their bombs dropt too,
'Twas sad as sad could be ;
They dropt on us, their bombs dropt too,
Their revenge on little old me.

In spite of Gulls and bombs we fled,
Due South to open sea,
To find the treasure mark'd on the map,
With a cross so plain to see.

We reached the place and looked around,
The place, we felt, was right,
But crosses there were none to see,
And oh, here comes the night.

And the cats want to be home in their bed with their hoomin.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot : O Bast !
That ever this should be !
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

We headed back towards the shore,
Where waiting was our shack,
We'd rather be there in our bed,
With warm covers and good snack.

The cats discover they misread the Map. What they thought was water was, in fact, land.

And Frank in dreams enlightened was,
That land was water, water land,
The cats had miss'd the signs of maps,
Thought sea was white and blue was sand.

The early morn', the cats set off,
To find the place anew,
Where mice untold and fishies unsold
Would lie in the ground a-strew.

The cats have to steal away to prevent the other cats of the island from following.

Ah ! well a-day ! what evil looks
Had I from old and young !
Instead of the Herring Gull, the Map
About my neck was hung.

PART III

There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, and glazed each eye.
A weary time ! a weary time !
How matted was our fur,
When looking forward, I beheld
A something in a fir.

The ancient Islander beholdeth a sign in a tree afar off.

At first it seemed a little speck,
And then it seemed a mist ;
It changed and changed, and took at last
A certain shape, I wist.

A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist !
And as we neared the speck, the mist,
It suddenly 'came clear,
I wist that shape, I wist, I wist!

At its nearer approach, it seemeth him to be a cross ; and picking up his pace he calleth to Nikki.

The cross is there! We found the place!
The treasure is all mine!
'Ahem,' she said,
'Did'st say it is all thine?'
I sat me down, and licked a spot,
And said, 'it's mine, it's thine.'

A flash of joy ;
Both of us then, in merriment,
Danced round a bit for joy,
Gramercy ! we for joy did grin,
And all at once our breath drew in,
In anticipation coy.

And horror follows. For where is the promised treasure?

We dug the sand, we dug the earth,
In circles around the fir,
We dug and dug and dug again,
'Til the bedrock was near.

Our paws were hot and sore by now,
The day was well nigh done !
Almost upon the western wave
Rested the broad bright Sun ;
When Nikki held up and stepped aside
From the digging she had done.

It seemeth there is no treasure.

No use, she said, there's nothing here,
No mice, no fish, no vole,
The Map you have is fake my friend,
We'd better pack up and go.

The cats return home. Frank blames the Map.

Alas ! (thought I, and my heart beat loud)
How sadly I am used !
The Map wasn't real, I've been had,
I feel so sad and abused.

PART IV

And ever and anon through out his future life an agony constraineth him to search the island ;

Since then, at an uncertain hour,
That agony returns :
And till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.

What loud uproar bursts from that ship !
The workers are all there :
But on the bridge the Cap'n stares,
He waits for you, I fear,
And hark the mighty vessel's bell
Which biddeth us 'come here.'

O Kitten-Cat! this soul hath been
Alone in scary woods,
So lonely 'twas that Bast herself
Scarce seeméd there to be.
Farewell, farewell ! but this I tell
To thee, thou Kitten-Cat !

He saileth well, who riggeth well,
And knows just where he's at!
He saileth best who riggeth best,
And knows which way to go,
But as for any treasure hunts,
Forget them as they're faux.

The Islander, whose eye is bright,
Whose beard is black and square,
Is gone : and now the Kitten-Cat
Turned from the Mouser's berth.

He went like one that hath been stunned,
And is of sense forlorn :
A sadder and a wiser cat,
He rose the morrow morn.

But isn't this the...

2005-05-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

Corporal Sammy was making the rounds of the ship, making sure that all was well.

She stopped short at the sight of a pair of kits hauling litterboxes out from the litterbox room and onto the deck, near the stern of the ship.

"CAPTAIN AND STANLEY! What are you doing?"

Two stripey heads turn toward the Corporal. "Why, we're just putting these where they belong!"

"Where they belong?!", exclaimed Sammy. "They BELONG in the litterbox room, which is below deck. You got the tour of the ship days ago. Why would you think that THIS is where they belong?"

"But Corporal! Isn't this part of the ship known as the poop deck?"

Corporal Sammy stood and looked at the kits for a long moment. Finally, she emitted a sigh of exas-purr-ation and sternly commanded, "Just put them all back in the litterbox room. And make it SNAPPY!"

"Aye, aye, Corporal!" And two stripey kits started hauling litterboxes below deck.

The Map

2005-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

What Frank doesn't know is that it is Nikki's cyber son who has let the cat...er... map out of the bag. Fascinated with all things Finnish now that he has discovered his true heritage Oliver spends many hours every day in communication with the computers on the Mother Ship. He uses the air conditioner duct as a conduit. He searches the computer for any mention of Finland or the Island trying to learn more about himself. One day a simple slip of the tongue (he really should stop trying to groom himself while using the computer) and the computer thinks Oliver said "Find:Treasure" instead of "Find:Turku." The duct started to vibrate and a bright white light streamed out of the duct, bouncing around Oliver's living room. When the light finally receded Oliver was both horrified and fascinated to see an image burned into Meowmie's throw pillow.

Mostly Packed

2005-05-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Roanoke Island

I am so tired of hearing Kitten On The Keys. Somehow Stinky and his buddies transported his piano over to the mouser and set it up in the galley, which is also used as a living space when we're not eating. Since that time, every kit and cat has been entertaining themselves and others by playing music. Some are actually not bad, but I'm not going to tell them that and encourage them to keep up that noise.

Most of the stores are on board and set in place. The hoomins got their personal stores in earlier this week, and are settled into their cabins. My new Drinkwell fountain is in place and working. Replacement hammocks are in place and being claimed by their new owners. Only one or two fights over position have broken out. Smokey, Jessie, and Sgt Huey have been very good at keeping them in line. I've been pleased with the way the crew is shaking down.

I'm promised new fishing equipment by tomorrow. Last year's gear kept getting tangled up. I'm pretty sure I know how, but I couldn't catch the kittens in action. I'm assured by the company that this year's equipment will be harder to tangle. We'll see. I'm also expecting the makings for Friday's bon voyage party tomorrow. The fat wench says that she will not make mouse flavored pizza, so we're stuck with pepperoni, sausage, ham and cheese pizzas. The hoomins tease Gem and threaten to have mushrooms put on them, as mushrooms make him turn red and puffy. I think he knows that they're teasing, but he acts like they want to kill him off.

The rumors of treasure persist, even though the cats and kits have been assured by no less a personage as Frank, one of the owners of the island, that the rumors aren't true. There are also mutterings about the rigging, sea monsters, and becoming shark bait. This year's voyage should be an interesting one. And I thought that the worst thing I'd have to contend with someone tipping over the bait buckets again.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Sail Date Set

2005-05-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Roanoke Island

Well it's Sunday, May 8th, and we will be sailing in a week. The gang plank is down and the perishable stores will be loaded by Wednesday. The crew members are doing all they can to batten down their places on board, and new members are ghosting over all the time.

The biggest problems seem to include the rigging and net systems, and some strange rumor that there is treasure on Frank and Nikki's island. I've got the crew working on the rigging, but I'm not sure that we can do anything about the island rumors. I can see the island covered in cat holes after we land there, if we can't staunch the rumors now.

Yesterday, I had to remove three kits and a cat from taking over my quarters. They seemed to think that I wouldn't mind sharing with them. Hah! I don't share my condo at the Retreat, let alone my quarters on board the Mouser. One of the kits told me that a certain cat, you know who you are, told him that he wouldn't mind sharing his quarters. For once and for all, Captain, you are not in charge of the ship.

The boarding party will be Friday night at sundown. We'll sail Sunday with the tide. The fat wench promises gooshy food, cat nip, and lactose free milk for those who want it. Music will be provided by CDs and the Mouser Kit Chorus. At this time we'll post the watches, draw for prizes, and set up hammock and shelf positions for those who haven't claimed them already. Just remember that my cabin is MINE. I don't care what Captain says, I don't share nicely.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Rigging The Mouser -- Part II

2005-05-07T23:23:00.000-07:00

The net was 120 ft. long and had an opening 60 ft. across. It wasn't designed to be a commercial unit, just something large enough to bring in some fresh fish and shrimpies for the crew. It was necessarily woven very fine as it had to have a mesh small enough to catch shrimpies.

"I understand the two booms and the winch, but how do we keep the fish from getting away?" asked B-bus, the newest member of the rigging crew.

"The booms will swing out at angles off the fantail and hold the net open wide," replied Smokey. "The top of the opening has floats woven into the mesh and the bottom of the opening has weights woven in so the net will stay open while we drag it. Then we'll have to have some of the new kits who are afraid to work aloft on the sails turn the winch and pull in the net. There's a drawstring type of rope at the opening of the net that will close the net before we pull it aboard. Then comes the job of sorting out the fish and shrimpies."

"I won't have to do that will I?" asked B-bus.

"No!", replied Smokey. "You're coming along just fine my lad and we'll have made a real sail crew member of you by the time we shove off."

"I have a question," offered Squidget. "What happens if we run into a school of sharks or something else that might like to eat a cat instead of the other way around and they end up in the net? What happens if we catch a sea monster?"

"Hmmm!, " pondered Smokey. "I wonder if the Cap'n thought of that when he ordered all this gear we've been setting up?"

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things work out when we try out the net for the first time."

Rigging The Mouser

2005-05-06T01:25:00.000-07:00

"Well me hearties, how goes the work?" Smokey, the Bos'n could see that new ropes had been fitted for the sail crew to stand on while they let out or folded up the sails. His question was more of a greeting than an inquiry.

"We'll have to keep at it if we want to be ready to sail on time,"said the agile Sumo who walked on the 80 foot high spars as if they were laying on the deck. His work was impeccable with the knots tied just so and the ends seized to prevent fraying.

"Just one more mast to go Mr. Bos'n," chimed in Roxy. She was another aerialist like Sumo who showed no fear of high places. We should be done by the end of the week.

"Aye, but there be more riggin' to be done," said Smokey in the nautical style that he affected whenever he got within sight of any body of water larger than a puddle. "This trip, Cap'n Pine Cone wants to try setting up the ship to trawl for shrimp with a net. The Cap'n be tired of hearing cats complain about all the fish in the ocean and us having to live on canned gooshy food and crunchies. Aye, with any luck, we'll be havin' fresh shrimpies on our dinner plates."

"I've never rigged a net before," offered Squidget. "I wonder just how we're going to go about it."

"Truth be told, I've never rigged one either, but how hard can it be?" replied Smokey.
(How hard indeed?? -- O J)

"Now then, there be another matter that needs tending to. I've heard the scuttlebutt and I want it stopped right now!"

"What do you mean?" squeaked little Squidget in the tiny voice that accounted for part of her name.

"There's to be no more talk of a treasure map showing where the famous old Finnish pirate, Erik The Scary, hid his loot on Marina's island. It's just an old wives tale and there's to be no more talk of it. If the crew or especially the new crop of cabin kits gets wind of such a thing, ship's discipline will go all to hell."

(to be continued)
((by anyone))

Regards and Purrs,
O J

Touring the Hoomins' Quarters

2005-04-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Earlier Mischief gave you new crew members, yes that includes you Captain, a tour of the ship. He showed you all the cat areas and places that you'd normally visit on a day to day basis. Today, I'm gong to show you around the hoomins' areas.

As you can see their quarters are in the stern of the ship on the second deck. This is because they have to go out and run things when it is wet and we invoke the rain claws. The rain claws says that if the hoomins try to make us run the ship when it rains, we use our claws. Actually, we don't have to go into the out anytime we don't want to. Not only that, but the fat wench has to be handy to the galley when she makes our meals. She also has a small galley in here that she cooks things for the hoomins to eat, but that is because she says that she refuses to eat any foods that smell and taste like mouse, fish, or cat food. She is so silly sometimes.

The central area here is a combination of galley and sitting room. You can see that the hoomins like their comfort, too. They don't mind us sleeping on their sofas and chairs but say that we can't fight over them. The cat condo/tree/climbing set up in the corner is for anyone who wants to use them. Again, no fighting. The galley has a little stove, microwave, and full sized refridgerator. That closet thing over there is the pantry. It is full of stuff that the hoomins say we can't have. The other refridgerator beside the pantry isn't a refridgerator, it's a freezer. The hoomins put foods in there that might be bad if they get warm too soon.

Those two rooms on the port, that's left, side are the quarters for the blonde wench and guest quarters. There is room for four people there, but only one person is using the quarters right now. If you look inside you can see a bed bolted into an alcove on each side of the cabin. Next to them and the door are two of what the fat wench calls arm waas. They have a closet on the top part and drawers on the bottom. Between the beds are two bookcases and a desk. You can see that the blonde wench has already moved some of her favorite posters in and put them on the wall.

Next to the Blonde Wench's room is a litter and cleaning room that the hoomins call "the head." I haven't seen any strange heads in there, but I'm not looking, just in case. They aren't like Baffrooms in land houses, as fresh water has to be conserved. That means we can't us a lot of it.

In the stern part, yes that's rear of the ship Captain, is the fat wench and Paw Rob's quarters. We had the hoomin quarters remodeled this winter as the hoomins were complaining that they couldn't live with cat furniture. I still can't see why. As we open the door, you'll see that the far wall has a bank of windows. The designer wanted to put a huge porthole in there but both the fat wench and I said no. She said it would make her feel like she was in a bubble and i said it would be like having a target set into the stern of the ship. The fat wench said that this would be in keeping with the dignity of a proper ship and look like a British Man O War.

Under the windows is the bed. Yes it is big. It's called a King sized bed. Paw Rob and the fat wench have a queen sized at home, but insisted on a king sized bed because so many cats like to join them. The bamboo, red, and gold decor is also the fat wench's idea. She won't let me scratch the bamboo. On each side of the bed are night stands where the fat wench keeps found water. She is very accomodating that way. She's been threatening to get a water bottle, but I don't believe it. You can see desks on each side wall, and arm waas for their clothing. Don't be surprised by the big bookcase on the wall facing the sitting room/galley. Both hoomins love to read and want plenty of books for when they aren't on duty.

On the starboard side, that's right side for you landlubbers, are rooms just like those on the port side. The one closest to the starboard side head will be used by Mike and Gem. The empty rooms are set up so that hoomin crew members will have a place to stay if they join us. The fat wench is hoping that a few of the group want to set sail with us as she says that she gets tired of seeing the same hoomins all the time. Aren't hoomins funny that way.

So, now that you've seen the hoomin quarters. some ground rules.

1. You can visit the hoomins when you are off duty.
2. You may not fight for any food or sitting spaces.
3. No begging from the hoomins.
4. The fat wench says that you may not hog the bed. As if we'd listen to her.
5. Hoomins have first rights to the sitting and sleeping places. Right.
6. What I say goes.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Getting Ready

2005-04-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

Roanoke Isaland

Well, the supplies are starting to arrive. I've got the kits, under Sammy and Sgt. Huey's supervision loading the supplies into the hold. Later they will store them in the proper places. We learn a lot on each year's voyage, and one of the things we learned last year was to install kit proof locks on the stores cabinets. The lock smith for that will be here next week.

The non perishable stores are what is arriving now. The pet warehouses are getting a lot of business from us. We've had to order more hammocks, toys, condos, sissel for the climbing poles, carpet to replace that torn off the walls, and new litter boxes and all the different kinds of litter. Last year all of our tinkle balls were batted off the main deck and into the water, so we decided to put netting on the railing so that tinkle balls (and kits) don't go overboard this year.

The hoomin, OJ, and his kits are re-stringing the rigging already and hope to have it ready on time. This is important as a lot of cats had way too much fun with the rigging last year. We almost needed a tow to come into port, a couple of times. OJ is an expert with rigging and knots and should be able to come up with something that will work better for us this year.

We're also having to do something with the hoomin accomodations. The fat wench says that she refuses to sleep in a hammock this year. She says that she doesn't like having her bottom scrape the floor, or having to try to catch the bed every night. She also demanded that we do something about kitten proofing the dressers this year. She ran out of socks due to kits thinking they were excellent play toys. Since she cooks our fish for us, we have to accomodate her. Right now she is in the galley organizing a cleaning crew and getting it and the dining area ship shape.

We have an expert on satellite communications coming in later this week to rig up better computer and radio access. We don't want to get caught out without better weather communication. The hoomins don't always listen to us cats, you know.

We should start loading the perishable foods the week of May 10th. The new freezer and fridgerators should be installed by then and the microwave should be in place. The mouser is going high tech.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Trying to pack... Part 1

2005-04-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

"Ahoy, bring those boxes below!" called Smokey, the Bos'n. "And be careful, those are quality supplies."

"Ooof!" said Mere as she put her shoulder into pushing a rather large box that was twice her size.

"Here," said a voice. "Let me help you." Mere looked up as another kitten came up and began pushing.

"I'm Harri Roadcat, what's your name?"

"My name's Mere, it's short for Cashmere. Though it's kinda funny, cause I'm not made of any cash."

"Well, I'm named because I'm on the road a lot with my Paw. I was quite confused for this trip, cause there's no road at all."

"Of course not," said Mere, "We're on a ship, on the ocean."

"Well, I know that NOW," said Harri, "But why do we have to load these boxes ourselves? With my Paw loading and unloading is SOOOO much easier."

"I dunno. All I know about boxes is that they are best when they're EMPTY. Nikki just LOVES boxes. But she doesn't have to load any. Just us kits have to do all the work..."

"Loading boxes is good for you," said another voice behind them. Harri and Mere turned to see a very large kitten towering over them.
"I'm Corporal Sammy. Loading boxes makes CATS out of kits. It builds character."

"But on a truck," said Harri, "All you have to do is..."

"Silence!" yelled Sammy. "As cabin kits you'll do as you're told and you'll like it. Understand?"

"Aye-Aye Sir!" said both kittens, and they went back to pushing. Corporal Sammy smiled to herself and surveyed the deck. Her wandering eye fell on IBKFergus, who had stopped coiling rope to tend to cleaning a particular spot on her tail. "Ahoy!" she yelled. "No lounging about! Get a move on!" The kitten jumped to attention and went back to work.

This is going to be FUN, thought Sammy, cause I'M going to be giving orders. Sammy began to smile again when a voice stopped her, "Corporal Sammy." Sammy turned and suddenly did not feel so powerful.

"Yes, Sergeant Huey?" Sammy stood up straight and saluted as Sergeant Huey approached.

"I take it the kits are doing well?"
"Yes, sir. I'm keeping an eye on them, Sir."
"Good, I'd hate to have to tell Cap'n Pine Cone that the kits aren't being properly trained."
"Don't worry, Sir, I'll make sure none of the kits so much as put a TOE out of line."
"I'm sure of it," said Huey, "Cause then the blame would fall on you."

Sammy gave a small start, "Uh.......me, sir?"
"Well, of course, the kits are being trained by you. And if there's any problem with the kits, then there must be a problem with how they are being trained, and then Cap'n Pine will be perturbed." he paused. "And you know if Cap'n Pine Cone is perturbed, I, myself get even MORE perturbed. Have I made myself clear?"

Sammy gulped, "Yes, sir. Crystal clear."

"Very good. Carry on." After he had gone, Sammy let out a huge breath. Maybe being Corporal was going be tougher than she thought.

To be continued.......

Stringies on a stick!

2005-04-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

Captain:

WHEEEE! The mop looks like a giant wand toy! STRINGIES ON A STICK! Get 'em! Get 'em!

::scamper scamper::

Hey, it's hard to STOP on this wet floor!

::sliiiiiiide::
::CRASH::
::thump bonk bump::

I got the stringies! I got the stringies!

::CHOMP drag drag drag::

Stanley:

Captain! It's a swab, not a mop! It's a deck, not a floor! That's... um, say, that DOES look like stringies on a stick, doesn't it? Gimme that mo... er, swab!

::scamper scamper pounce::
::wrestle wrestle::
::thump clunk thud::

[Everyone stares. Captain and Stanley look up from the jumbled heap consisting of themselves, the swab, some detached stringies, and some formerly-neatly-stacked supply boxes]

Captain & Stanley:

What?

Sorry I'm late

2005-04-21T05:36:00.000-07:00

I'm here, finally. Just had a little trouble getting signed up. Some orange striped brofur-of-mine who shall remain nameless [glares at Samuel] left the pooter signed in to the blog so my signup didn't work right.

This year I'll be VERY good and wont' go poking around where I'm not supposed to.

How nice of you!

2005-04-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

[[Fez and Rufous reporting for duty! We are now big and strong, so we will make good members of the crew. I (Fez) am very agile and very good at jumping chasing feathered toys. My brother (Rufous) is the best bathroom inspector in the world!

We are at your service Captain! ]]

Really? Why, how nice of you! And to think, this is my first voyage on a boa... erm, I mean a SHIP. And...

::Stanley whispers in Captain's ear::

How's that? You meant Cap'n Pine Cone, not me?

Oh. That's different.

Nevermind.

Captain

Permission to Board?

2005-04-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

Sammy:

Sammy and Jessie here, reporting for duty. Permission to board, sir?

I've crewed on this vessel before cap'n, but my big sister Jessie here is a newbie. She's not very big... OUCH! Jessie, leave my ears alone - that's not allowed here except by the cap'n!. As I was saying, she's not very big, but she's *very* tough. If we get boarded by an enemy, she can rip their ears right to shreds!

*I* can boss, er, show her around and tell her what to do if you'd like. What? I can't??

I know you'll probably want one of the younger kits as a cabinkitty this year, so I was thinking maybe I could be promoted to first mate? No? How about helmsman? No? Um, navigator? OK, swabbie it is then.

Jessie:

Cap'n, don't pay any attention to my little sister - you'd think she could pack more brains into that huge head of hers, but it must be stuffed with catnip instead.

She is right about how tough I am though, I would make the perfect captain of your marines! What? This isn't a military expedition?? Sammy you *lied*. You said I would doing some fierce fighting!

OK, then I'll volunteer for watch duty in the crow's nest. Um, we *do* get to eat the crow, don't we? What?? There is no delicious crow to eat???! You twit!

Sammy:

When do we set sail sir?

Cleaning Ship

2005-04-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

Roanoke Island

First of all, I'd like to thank all you kitties who have shown up to help prepare the mouser for sailing. I'd especially like to thank those who helped get those strays from below decks.

You see, we were busily holding our noses and scrubbing the decks when Harriroadcat reported hearing a noise from below. I sent Sgt Huey, Captain, and Mischief down to check it out. It seems that while we were having a nap earlier, some strays decided that they liked our digs, and moved in.

You should have heard the caterwhaling. We were all down there slinging our paws, yowling, biting scratching, and so forth, and the strays just looked confused. Finally, we called a halt, and asked the strays what they thought they were up to. Turns out that they decided that this was a nice place to hang out since all of us were here and obviously doing so. They offered to move on, but we told them they could stay until sailing time or they find their onlyhomes, which ever came first. So we now have a few new crew members helping us out. They couldn't remember their hoomin given names so we've dubbed them Tabby 1, Tabby 2, Graycat, Tuxedo, and Oreo kitty. We hope that they find their onlyhomes soon.

Greetings and fishes,

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Tour of the Mouser

2005-04-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Ahoy Mateys!!

I'm Mischief, one of the many crewmembers on the Mouser. This will be my second voyage along with my companion, Imp. (To be honest, Imp is a spineless tom, but Mama Kristi wouldn't let me go on the Mouser without him.)

"Actually I'm a lot better this year...Ow!!"

Hush up, Imp! Anyways, this is for all you new swabbies who have yet to sail on the Mouser. Ye be wanting the grand tour and I'm the cat to give it. So follow me, and stay close and keep your paws and tails to yourselves, unless you want to lose them!

First we start off on the main top deck. Here is where we all pitch in the bring in the sails, haul in the ropes, man the steering, etc. You might be wondering how we do this without opposable thumbs, but everything on board is specially designed for us cats. Over in that corner are the bait buckets Periodically you might be asked to guard them, yes GUARD ONLY!! Kitties caught tipping the bait buckets will face punishment!

The front of the ship, (yes, SHIP, Captain and Stanley) is known as the bow, and is a very nice lookout point. But don't even think about walking out onto the boom unless ye want to go swimming. The back of the ship near the wheel is the aft, where Cap'n Pine Cone will be. Important to rememeber that whatever you are doing, do NOT get distracted by his captainship, Cap'n Pine Cone. Yes, he is a wonder to look at, but the Bos'n will box your ears if you are caught staring.

Now let's move to the next deck. There are several cat trees and scratching posts scattered around the room for you to play with. You'll also notice there are dangling strings here and there, some with stuffed mice attached to them, as well as various cat dancers, sparkly toys and suede tassles attached. On the other wall are several perches of various heights. You are welcome to any of them, but if a bigger, more senior cat wants your toy perch, ye would be a wise kitten to give it up. Please note the sign the wall was a sign reading. "Absolutely NO spraying!" Another sign read, "Excessive hissing, spitting or fighting will result in the loss of a meal and litter box duty."

Also on this deck is the Cap'n personal quarters. They are quite a sight to see, and I wonder if he still has that fish filled coffed table. Hmmm...... Anyways, if you are summoned to see the Captain, (no, not you, Captain... Captain PINE CONE) rememeber to be on your BEST BEHAVIOR! I've seen many cats walk in there and come out slinking close to the ground.

The next level is our living quarters. Every cat has been assigned a hammock and cubby hole. Remember, you SLEEP in your hammock and store your TOYS in your cubby, not the other way around. Also any toys left unattended will quickly be claimed by another cat, so keep an eye on them. If you have any disputes, see the Bos'n.

At the end of this level there are the litter boxes. As I mentioned last year, there are three different boxes, each with different kinds of litter. The first has the latest litter crystals, (Guaranteed to lock in odors!) The second is Tidy Cats clay
litter, (Multiple strength for Multiple cats) Finally there is a box full of dirt and grass, (For the outdoor cat that loves that "natural" feeling)

Please pay attention to the sign on the wall listing the Litter Box Room Rules:
1)Please refrain from kicking litter outside the box.
2)You are responsible for covering up your own business.
3)The boxes are changed twice a day. Once in the morning, and once at night. Yowling upon completing your business will not clean the boxes any faster.
4) Please refrain from wall or floor scratching.
5) Please do not meatloaf or lie in any of the boxes.
6) Do not bring any outside items like toys or any plunder into the
litter box.

Now, the third level is where we have our gooshy food. We have barrels filled with different varieties of food, kitty treats, etc. Now, ONLY AT MEALTIMES will we be able to partake in this food. There is ABSOLUTELY NO MIDNIGHT SNACKING OR RAIDING. Any such behavior will be met with severe discplinary action. If ye don't believe me, just ask Sammy and Tabitha what happened to THEM last year.

That's pretty much the entire ship. The last thing will be to introduce you all to the crew. Since i'm not sure who will be ghosting over this year, I cannot be sure who to introduce first.

But the bottom line is, do what you're told, be on your best behavior and you'll be fine cabin kitties.

Dismissed!

Mischief

Captain and Stanley Re-purrr-ting For Duty

2005-04-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

I received this from two of our crew members:

Ahoy, Captain and Stanley here!

If you swing that boat (It's a ship, kits) via the Deleware River, you can come to Philadelphia and we can join the crew. (Sillies, you can arrange your clone and ghost over on your own) We even have a neato beluga whale swimming in the river right now.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7517548/

Maybe we can 'splain to him why going back to salt water is a good idea. Maybe we can get him to chase a feather toy, if we haul it behind the boat (that's ship, kits) on our way to the ocean.

Anyway, Purrs and we're ready to have some adventures when the voyage gets going!

Captain and Stanley

***************************
Cap'n's Comments:

Kits, I know this is your first year traveling with us. So there are several things you must learn. One of them is that the Mouser is not a boat. We travel on the ocean. WE ARE ON A SHIP.

Secondly, one of the punishments for insubordination is cleaning the bilges and scrubbing the scuppers. Basically, I'll warn you this time, but next time you call my ship a boat, I'll find room for you in the bilges.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

I'm here! Is this ship thing anything like a truck?

2005-04-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

I've never been on a ship, so this ought to be interesting. I need to make sure my double is doing her work ok - my hoomin REALLY needs a cat to keep him safe, what with driving that monstrous truck all over the place. Just tell me what you need me to do, Captum.

So, this is a ship, huh? Where are the tires? And the motor? And what are those sheet-thingies doing hanging off those telephone poles? I guess I have a lot to learn.

And yes, there sure are a lot of toys on the deck! I see some empty boxes, so how about I start rounding up the toys and putting them in boxes?

Spring Cleaning

2005-04-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Roanoke Island

"Oh, there ain't no cure for the neutered Tom blues..."

Whoops...sorry. I am busy getting the Mouser ready to set sail in a month and a half's time. The hoomins are moaning over Texas, ( I thought they like Texas) and the retreat is noisey and boring, so I thought I'd ghost over here and do some Spring Cleaning. The Mouser is dry-docked here at Wanchese on Roanoke Island, near Cape Hatteras, and I've been a bad kitty. We dis-embarked at Christmas time, and I didn't do more than make sure that no kits were left behind. Humm, good idea for a school slogan, wouldn't you say?

I got here before the birds this morning, so the little tidbits wouldn't leave a gift on my furry little head, a problem in the past. The first thing I did was inspect the decks. There are so many tinkle balls, catnip mousies, hammocks left unstowed, and balls of string unraveled everywhere. I think we should have made the hoomins clean up after the docking party. At least there wasn't any food left for the mice (delicious) and the rats (bluurrrrrrp) to live off of.

The docking party was memorable. Lacy and Sammy led the kits in a rousing ditty they called "The Mouser's Revenge" that ended when all of them colapsed with giggles. SGT Huey led his troops in a mock battle, that ended with all of the d*gs jumping overboard. Squeakers received recognition for being the most improved cat, a tribute to his time cleaning the bilges. Tanada was given the grouchy cat award, and Waffles and Frank were given a night's stay in a local motel. We gave it to them early in the evening so that they'd have time for whatever they do when they're alone. There was a lot of nip passing around, it's a good thing the cops weren't called out, we'd have done time in the pound for sure. The hoomins have no sense of taste. They drank some foul smelling stuff called whiskey, except for the Fat Wench who doesn't know how to have fun.

So here I am, cleaning up the toys left laying around, getting out the scrub brushes, and cursing the hang over I had the day after the party. I'd make the Fat Wench bring hoomin helpers, but she always comes armed with a garbage bag. She has no class whatso ever. I've put out a call for other cats to ghost over and help me, but I haven't seen any yet. Soon. My good crew wouldn't leave me to do all the work myself, would they? Well? Would they?

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Calling All Cats

2005-04-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

We're coming up on the sailing date for the good ship Mouser on our annual voyage of discovery, looting, fun, and fishes. We're a bunch of piratical cats who know how to live and where we can get our best meals. Cats who are interested in joining us on our trip on the high seas are welcome to come along. So grab your scratching post, tinkle balls, catnip mousies and set sail with us on our long running trip to garner fame, fortune, and food at the expense of the hoomins.

Hopefully, I won't be the only one sharing stories of our trip on the briney deep. Some talented cats and their hoomins have been invited to tell tails of their adventures on the Mouser. If you are interested in helping out before hand, I could use some assistance with getting the Mouser ready to sail. There are a lot of barnacles to be scraped and bilges to be scrubbed before we can set sail. We will be leaving from Cape Hatteras, North Carolina, and collecting crew members on our way. So ghost out and join our merry cats and crew. Just don't tip over the bait buckets too often this year, the hoomin crew members tend to complain.

Cap'n Pine Cone esq.